One of the bigger challenges I face in my practice is trusting when to keep things simple. Some of it is just having so many amazing toys to play with: Add an inspiring, willing man and, well, we could go all night. Often, we do. But the other part is more about my own headspace. If I just tie you up and leave you there, won’t you be disappointed? Shouldn’t I be doing more? Is “domination” really as easy as just staring into your eyes and “peen-ching your nibbulls“? (Er, pinching your nipples … inside joke.)
Yet less, as the saying goes, is often more. When a scene of mine fails, it’s sometimes because I’m trying to do too much instead of trusting myself, him, and the power of the moment. He may tell me that he just wants to be tied up but the thought of putting him in rope and just leaving him alone makes me anxious. Aren’t I supposed to be doing something? I see the photo sets on a site like Device Bondage or Infernal Restraints or maybe just some pretty rope bondage
and, inspired and aroused as I am by the rigging and positioning, for some reason my brain has a hard time grasping how it could be enough for the bottom to simply be in that position with little else going on for more than five minutes. Like that tie in the middle….what happens next? Maybe some nipple pinching, a little ass play or ball smacking … but how long does that go on before it becomes boring for the bottom? Can a two hour scene of just that be successful?
Am I crazy?
*****
Actors often talk about stillness, the power and impact of not moving. It takes a tremendous amount of consciousness and self-discipline to stand still, particularly if someone’s watching you. It’s like the physical embodiment of a staring contest. Awards shows are really good for observing who has stillness and who doesn’t. Next time you see a presenter or watch an acceptance speech, observe who twitches, fidgets, and overgestures at the podium and who has stillness. It’s pretty amazing once you notice it.
This concept of stillness I think can be applied to my play and my difficulty with “staying still” within a scene. It’s not just with bondage. Other than corporal play — the one instance where I can limit myself to one activity with no trouble (though I do have to use multiple implements) — nearly all of my scenes have several components: layers of bondage, predicaments, electrics, CBT, NT, seduction. “I don’t get all kitted up for my scenes because I’m too active,” I say. And it’s true. There’s always something going on. Something coming next. Ask me to do a scene revolving solely around, say, nipple torture, and about 15-20 minutes in I start to get antsy, distracted by all the other things I could be doing to him.
And yet, when I think about some of my favorite equipment, a common theme is the piece’s simplicity. Efficiency. Its stillness.
The Anchor Point is like that. Once his head is buckled in, all I have to do is cuff his hands behind his back and he won’t be going anywhere. As much as I understand, intellectually, what a powerful head trip that is, it’s rare that I’ll leave someone in that position long enough for it to really sink in and start to fuck with him.
Similarly, The Pound is extraordinarily versatile but it is strongest when it’s simply being used to contain someone. “Crawl inside,” I’ll order. He goes in, I snap the padlock, and his unraveling begins. Yet if I leave him there for more than 5-10 minutes without doing something else to him (e.g. adding bondage, predicaments) I feel like he’ll think I’m wasting his time… even though nearly every bondage lover I’ve ever played with has mentioned some fantasy about being left alone in a cage.
The equipment I’m more ambivalent about or struggle with the most are often pieces that defy stillness. Like my new leather Sit Sling. While it looks rather simple, rigging someone into it is kinda awkward. Granted, some of this is simply an issue of practice and I haven’t had much with it. The leg pieces have to sit just so and then I have to figure out where to suspend them. The torso support belt never seems to sit in the right place on any body and it’s a nightmare trying to adjust it so his body is supported in the position I want it. Even then, it’s not a piece for just hanging out. It demands more action: strapon, ball weights, whipping … SOMETHING. Sheesh. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
******
One of the things I love about being a dominant is that there are always challenges like this to wrestle with. My challenge with stillness is, within the broader scope of my practice, merely fine tuning. I may need to spend some time bottoming, particularly in bondage, so that I can better understand and appreciate the headspace of the confined and the bound. Some of this may be an unavoidable consequence of “time equals money” and being sensitive to wanting to give those I play with the biggest bang for their buck. (And wrapping my head around the idea that being caged or hogtied and ignored for longer than 10 minutes is, for some, a whole lotta dynamite.)
I’m curious to hear your thoughts on stillness. On simple scenes. Experiences you’ve had exploring that. Advice on how I can get better at moving past understanding stillness as a concept and directly, confidently applying it to my practice.
Only a true artist would be so passionate about the level of creativity she invests in her play. Once you start contemplating the possibilities of orchestrating the matching of man with gear, your inspiration kick starts and play begins. You get such pleasure from physically making those possibilities come to life. You once quoted a play partner as saying you were ‘easy on the eyes but hard on the mind.’ ‘Tis true your fertile imagination is where the dominance originates but it doesn’t spring from a rigid concept of play. Au contraire, it’s quite the opposite. Your play evolves, moves, expands, contracts and never seems to repeat in any one playtime.
Some bottoms want stillness to sink into inner contemplation. But that begs for a Top who is satiated with leaving the bottom to find that stillness. Your style of play always impressed me as more energetic and athletic. A quiet, contemplative style of Topping just doesn’t seem to fit your natural style.
@marcj
While you certainly have a first hand understanding of my play style — and your conclusions are right — it’s your line about “you get such pleasure from physically making those possibilities come to life” that is the crux here.
This post was inspired by a recent scene which I started terrifically with rope, but took him out after 15 min or so because I got this vision of how I wanted to rig him (arched over The Pound, locked and bound at wrists/ankles) that, after 10-15 min of trying to set it up, concluded it wasn’t physically accessible for him. Then, rather than go to the rope again, I pull out that sit sling, spent at least 20min trying to rig him in it (it wasn’t an OE), awkwardly played in that position for maybe 5-10 min. Gave up, put him on the ground and STILL didn’t go back to the rope. The scene failed, I felt terrible and stupid because had I not been so ambitious (and selfish?) and just kept it simple and gone back to some rope after the Pound rigging ceased being an option then all the ridiculousness could have been avoided.
Most of the time, my scene visions/ambitions turn out to be great (though, weirdly, they rarely do with this particular guy, now that I think about it. Hmmm.). What frustrates me is that when a vision fails, I’ll often push forward to something even more complex or involved rather than step back to something simple, basic, and, most importantly, effective.
Maybe I’m just a little down on myself this week. Grr.
I relate to your post, but from the other — client/sub — side. Because I only session once every few months, I tend to want it all in a session. I need an activity and image fix, a session that moves through a variety of sensations and moments. But, like you, I wish I could appreciate the simple session, that I could live in the moment of what’s happening to me as opposed to what could be happening to me. I also think it’s something of a failing that I can’t seem to do that.
This may be a broader issue in my life — not just related to s/m. I’m not sure I’ll ever get there. I seem to need the drama of not knowing what’s next — and, of course, that drama is produced by the certainty of knowing that there is something next.
@subdued
Sigh. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Even though I will often tell people, “Be thankful for what you have,” particularly in the context of appreciating the moment and what is present, when it comes to play, I’m usually thinking ahead. Some of that, obviously, is inherent to the role of the dominant. But some of it …. well, it’s just a pain in the ass. On the one hand, I don’t feel it’s a failing that the thought of having someone make out with my feet for 30 min is undesirable (though I’ve had it happen in the moment and loved it) but that sometimes my restlessness means a scene doesn’t fully develop …well, yeah. THAT sucks.
Miss Troy,
I understand the concept of stillness but unless your play partner specifically needs abandoment/confinement to fulfill their fantasy, why should you comprimise your play style and set restrictions? And what makes “stillness” so powerful? The only reason all those actors aren’t moving or showing ant reactions is because they are afraid of being judged and appearing to be human. When someone is not moving around me I check them for a pulse.
It may be from the fact that I can not get enough play in my life but I want a session to touch as many areas as possible within the time constraints. Too much is never enough. And “playing from yes” is the absolute rule as far as I can see.
It sounds like you really are spending a fair amount of time reflecting on your role and whether you should put on the brakes during some of your scenes. If you feel this would be something that would compliment your style then you should consider it. If you are having trouble deciding, which I think you are. Then you should probably discount the “power of stillness” and keep your foot on the accelerator. From what I have seen here on your blog, your collection of toys, implements and gear rivals the Mister S showroom. It would be a travesty to be at your Salon and not be able to experience as much of that as possible. Yes, most of the great gear is simple, like your anchor point, but from a submissives view, once I was restrained in that posistion, I would be expecting something to follow. After all, the main purpose for the restraint is to heighten the mental and physical sensations of that part of the scene.
So, my answers to your questions;
If I just tie you up and leave you there, won’t you be disappointed? YES
Shouldn’t I be doing more? YES
Is “domination” really as easy as just staring into your eyes and “peen-ching your nibbulls“? ABSOLUTELY
Am I crazy? ABSOLUTELY NOT
@laughing
I do believe that stillness is powerful. It takes discipline, self-control, and an ability to be present in a moment. “Stillness” is how an actor doesn’t need to flail about and throw things to convey “anger” when a flexed jaw muscle, a clenched hand, and a glint in the eye can be even more ferocious.
I explain in my reply to @marcj what inspired this post. It’s not so much that I want to change or adapt my style to service my play partners: I won’t go changin’ to try and please no one but me. It’s more that, to borrow your metaphor, my foot’s on the accelerator and won’t let up, even when it’s obvious I’m headin’ straight for a tree. There are times when putting on the brakes, slowing down, backing up, enjoying the scenery is worth doing.
The person below you, Richard, addresses at length what you’ve touched on w/r/t restraint as an amplifier to a scene, so I’ll respond to that more in his post.
Curious though, about your reply to “Domination” being “ABSOLUTELY” as simple as staring into your eyes and pinching your nipples. From my experience, I know this to be true, but I’m curious to hear your side’s perspective on it.
I find this concept of “Stillness” to be very interesting. You refer to “stillness” in relation to the top–specifically, the ability of the top to stand back and let the ropes do the work so to speak. You also refer to “stillness” from the perspective of the bottom–in particular, the ability of the bottom to find “excitement” in mere confinement.
I can speak from the perspective of a switch (I genuinely enjoy both side of a bdsm energy exchange) and I can honestly say that I don’t think it is really about stillness, per se.
My preferred bdsm activity is bondage, though I “enjoy” many aspects of bdsm. It does not matter how I am bound–rope vs metal, simple vs complex–the most important detail of the bondage is knowing I am UNable to escape. As you wrote, “It takes a tremendous amount of consciousness and self-discipline to [be] still,” but I am never totally still when I am bound. And any degree of stillness is forced by the bondage, it is not voluntary. And therein lies the kicker. It may seem that I am “still” to a onlookers. But even in the most rigid of restraints, my muscles will twitch and resist–pushing and pulling against the bondage. My eyes will struggle to open and see from beneath the blindfold. My mouth will moan and protest behind the gag. I will constantly test the bondage both physically and mentally. Except for brief periods of rest (and not so brief periods of rest depending on the “severity” of the position and my stamina), there will be no real “stillness.”
Now, it may take more than 5 to 10 minutes for the reality to set in. “OMG, Miss Troy has tied me very securely and I can’t get out. I am stuck!” The awesomeness of the pound is that within 2 seconds of the padlock “clicking”, I know I am stuck. But with rope bondage, in particular, that realization may take a while. Whether that realization is immediate or delayed, the need to resist persists. And I am rarely “still.” Any degree of confinement will become uncomfortable given enough time and I have to move or attempt to move. I just have to grab the bars of the pound and rattle it though I know it’s futile. I have to struggle against the ropes and try to reach the knots, though I know it’s probably a waste of time. I have to explore the bondage, physically and mentally, and that takes time.
Now, say, you come to me after 5 minutes….or 1 hour. I am quivering. You start in with some nipple pinching, a little ass play or ball smacking….does it get boring you ask? Absolutely not. Those interactions may force me to struggle more, and try to get away. In so doing, I am reminded of effectiveness of the restraints–without you having to change or add to the bondage, per se. Nipple pinching hurts, and I may try to escape it, but as I push against the restraints I am all too aware of the equal and opposite ferocity with which the restraints push back. I am now experiencing (and exploring) the bondage in a very different way.
When I top, I often like to stimulate my bottom to orgasm, usually after prolonged teasing. This is not because I think orgasm is an expected or necessary goal of bdsm play. I absolutely do not. But a bondage bottom in the throes of an orgasm will often struggle against the ropes and contort their bodies in ways I thought impossible given the way that I had tied them up. I think the same effect can be had with other forms of stimulation (severe caning, cbt, nt, etc.) applied to a naked, bound, struggling human form. That being said, care must be taken to ensure that the bondage is secure and effective, even if it’s simple. There are few things that will kill a bondage scene faster than the restraints failing, or coming loose, just when they are called upon to hold most tightly (like, in the middle of a forced orgasm).
As a aside, I believe most bondage enthusiasts are not really submissive by nature. Certainly, when I walk into your Salon, I will offer willingly my wrists to be bound behind my back. But it takes the genius and the artistry of your bondage to “complete” my surrender…. and I may need periods of what you refer to as “stillness” to “appreciate” our very different situations.
From the perspective of the bondage top, “stillness” is not required. Even if you are not pinching my nipples or smacking my balls, you might be doing things that literally don’t involve me that may be equally as mind-blowing. You have had me secured in the pound while you ate dinner. You have had me hogtied while you texted on your phone or worked on your computer. Going about life as usual while the bottom simmers adds to the bondage, it does not detract from it….and it adds more over time. Indeed, I will sometimes be “still” as a top. I will stare down at my captive, examining my handiwork, looking for weaknesses in my knots, but I won’t do that for long (that does get boring). If I have chores to do, I may walk away (having announced where I’m going, and what I’m going to do…or NOT!) knowing my very action is a reminder to the bottom of the freedom they no longer enjoy.
But here’s the thing. Today, I may “abandon” my bottom for an hour–because I want to, or I have a report to type up. I may even have to prepare more rope because it seems there just isn’t enough hours in a day sometimes…. Then tomorrow (read, next session), I may be very engaged, adding predicaments and layers, and intense stimulation. It depends on my mood and that’s my prerogative as the top, damn it! The idea is to keep them guessing–not knowing what to expect next if anything. Maintaining the prospect of moments of (what you refer to as) “stillness” in your practice will greatly enhance the mind fuck.
“Stillness” in bondage is merely perceived. There is always something going on, mentally, physically, spiritually….always.
MTO,
A very interesting post, as are also all of the comments posted in response to it. In fact, one of the more intelligent exchanges I have seen re: any BDSM post.
Is it possible that your interest in “stillness” and in doing “nothing” are an extension of your desire for control in the session ? That is, knowing that most submissives would expect and hope for “more”, might your consideration of withholding or denying that expectation be in fact just another level of dominance that you are seeking to experience ?
And the conflict that you feel, could that be a clash between the naturally dominant “you”, who might want to withhold or at least delay the favor of “more” to a submissive clashing with the professional “you”, who as the consumate professional that you are, wants to make sure that your clients are always playing from yes (an eager “yes” because they relish the creativity, energy and excitment that you bring to a session) and you are therefore reasonably concerned that they might be possibly disappointed in “stillness” ?
From personal experience, I had frequent fantasies of being caged for long period of times, but the reality was not nearly as satisfying as I had anticipated. And having been tethered to your anchor point, it is the anticipation of “what next” that does in fact keep the energy flowing for me.
Also, I have stared into your eyes, and I have to agree with other commentors. YES!! It was at that moment that the domination began for me, and I fell very fast and far into an amazing subspace. Simple ? Yes, it really was that simple, and that is perhaps the highest compliment I could pay you.
@RNJ
One of my favorite things about my blog is that we get to have conversations like these. I’m awed and humbled by them. You guys are GREAT!
“Stillness” as I’ve kinda made clearer in my responses, isn’t so much about doing “nothing” or “not moving” as it is about finding that space where simplicity and control meet. I hadn’t really thought about refusing to meet his “expectation for more” as a means of control (not in this context, at least). Most of the time my sense of conflict w/r/t stillness is from a worry that I’m not doing enough. Or at least that it doesn’t appear to my play partner that I’m doing much.
At the same time, part of what I see as one of my greater strengths as a Dominant is how seamless and effortless my scenes appear (you think that other Domme just happened to show up? For free? Or that primetime dinner reservation just fell out of the sky? Or that suspension rigging was just something I made up on the spot? Or that anyone could come to that exclusive li’l private play party I took you to?).
Maybe that’s why when you’re in a hogtie, the ropes painfully digging into your skin and you can’t get out no matter how much you struggle, I may find myself saying, “Sheesh. That’s IT? That’s all I had to do?!” (And that’s despite the fact that to get you there took four visits to Shibaricon, me bottoming to a handful of hogties myself at various events, both public and private, not to mention all the rope binding you that I learned how to condition myself.
No wonder I can’t wrap my head around just staring into your eyes and pinching your nipples as being sufficiently dominating.
I’m not sure I have anything to add here after reading your original post and the responses. You seem to understand stillness and how it affects people very well. I am sure there are those who want the feeling of being bound and left on their own for a time.It seems kind of sens dep which som are really into. The thing is if one isn’t into this its probably going to feel like a boring waste of time.
I am one who needs alot going on at the same time in a session. Multiple sensations, often conflicting , like pain/pleasure get my attention and keep me in the moment. I lose focus and subspace when my mind is left alone. For a long time I had a very difficult time getting into subspace and staying there and I think alot of it had to do with lulls in the action of the session where my mind would wander back to where I had to be or wonder if someone was trying to call me, etc. Even a favorite activity like foot worship gets boring if the domme just sits back and does nothing.
Having played with you I would say one of your great strengths is the way you layer things on and keep me off balance. You just seem to have the right instincts to know what to do and when to do it. I would think if one likes to be left alone in bondage they would let you know that. Otherwise I agree with what you say about it being a disappointment or waste of time in the sub’s mind.
@buffalo
Given the way we play together, I crack up every time I read a post of yours that mentions some “favorite” activity that we’ve done so rarely, if ever, I didn’t even remember you liked it.
The thing about being left alone in bondage is that, as I think a couple of guys have said in this thread, the idea is far more exciting than the execution. So while there are some who might say, “I’m attracted to the idea of abandonment,” it’s rare that a client’s experienced meaningful abandonment in an inescapable situation. Some might say it, then get it and hate it … and then I’m caught in this awkward, no win place where not only is he hating the scene, I’m all anxious that he’s hating it but already committed to him experiencing abandonment, that I don’t feel I can stop the train.
I’d be curious to try to bind you in some sort of stress position that’s demanding and distracting enough to keep your mind busy just to see what happens.
MTO,
Another great blog topic that has generated wonderful discussion.
I’m not a bondage bottom for the sake of bondage. I think, for me, that really makes it about context. In the context of a two hour session, or even an OE, straight out bondage and nothing else, would not really kick me into subspace. I’m talking in the sense of comfortable, non-stressful positions with either rope or even a bondage bag and straps. Even the metal straps that require the nail gun! Being confined to one comfortable, non-painful position, and then just left alone for an hour or two, would make me feel like not much is happening.
One of the great things about playing with you is how you apply layer after layer after layer. Each one intensifying the experience. Of course, if you were to do a session with the Stillness you speak of, you wouldn’t hear any complaints from me. Hopefully, something would have happened that would have made those moments special for you and that would work very well for me. If, on the other hand, Stillness became the driving force of most of our sessions I would eventually say something.
My reactions surprises me because I have thought a lot recently about how much fun a verbal bondage session might be. No rope. No straps. No bodybags. No saran wrap! Being directed by your voice, your eyes, your hand signals to hold certain positions. And, YES!, those eyes of yours can take complete command and control. They can be the channel of all your dominant energy flow. Even without the nipple torment. I am convinced that you could do an entire session without a single accouterment or implement. No gear. Just yourself. Hands. Legs. Feet. Voice. Eyes. Teeth. Drool!! But I digress…
Now in the context of an Overnight, or my lucky stars willing, someday an even longer session, the Stillness of comfortable bondage would be wonderful. Hours of abandonment and immobility in the middle of a lengthy scene could have my head spinning and yearning for your return. Spending the “sleep” portion of a long stay tied up or bound down while trying to get the rest and recovery that is needed for what may be still to come would make the seconds drag out. I need to sleep. I can’t sleep. I need to move that muscle to rest it. I can’t move that muscle. I need to shift my body weight. I can’t shift my body weight. I need to relax and rest. I just can’t. That’s bondage Stillness that I would enjoy.
Stillness in the right time and place would be wonderful. But keep in mind – and I think most people would agree – it is your energy and your intensity that draws so many of us to you.
Whizzer
@whizzer
It has been a great discussion! (My poor brain is being pushed to capacity with all the intelligent replies!)
What you’re talking about in the start of your response is that constrictive vs restrictive bondage thing I mentioned in my reply to Richard, which isn’t quite the same as what I meant when I was using the word “stillness.” It’s interesting that you’re one of the people that I’ve achieved “stillness” with often. In a few cases, though, they’ve been the sessions that have caused the most misunderstandings between us (“waiting on the edge of play,” e.g.) but on the other hand, you’re the person I was thinking of with the nipple torture (that time we ended the scene with all that NT and it got really intense and psychic and connected).
There are times I fantasize about a no gear scene. That’d be so raw, intimate, vulnerable …. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s something I’d feel comfortable with someone asking of me. I’d have to be in the right moment, the right headspace, for something like that. Maybe I’m overthinking it. I don’t know. Intense!
Like many questions in life, particularly the more interesting ones, there is no simple answer. It Is true however, that sometimes “lo mas facil es lo mejor”—or however-the-hell one says it.
Example: on behalf of the true, dyed-in-the-wool serious nipple sluts of the world (and in partial answer to a question you raised above)….. I once had an honest-to-goodness two-hour session with the retired superstar proprietor of L’OC which consisted ONLY of manual NT. OK, Ok…..Some verbal and a little walkaround display. But basically all manual NT. I have been hardwired to respond to NT, like one of Pavlov’s dogs. So there is instant automatic response. No matter how many times. No matter how fast or slow. No matter what words or looks accompany it.
I think if I were walking down Fifth Avenue in my businessperson rig…and somebody, say you, sauntered up to me and twisted away, I would instantaneously melt into a puddle on the sidewalk. This probably makes me pretty unusual. But us simpleton nipple sluts are out there.
So then….add a little nice rope here and there (cb and wrists), maybe some head immobilization and some mirrors….and I can have a wonderful experience.
What is it about NT? Well, as I said, there is the basic, hardwired physical reaction. There also is a psychological element of control, either from being told by you and/or seeing in the mirror…..that I am being completely totally controlled, body and mind, by mere application of your index fingers and thumbs. That is enormously powerful.
You asked to try to give you a sense of what it feels like from my side. Sorry if I am not more articulate…..But please don’t underrate us manual NT fans.
Ooops!!! This blog was supposed to be all about “stillness”. I screwed up. Again. Sorry.
Signed,
X
a friend
@ilnt
You’re funny. I do, actually, understand the appeal of an all NT scene. There’ve been plenty of times I’ve ended up in that space and really enjoyed it. Mostly, it’s just a matter of trusting that the person I’m playing with isn’t going to bitch afterwards that “all we did was nipple torture.”
You, I realize, wouldn’t complain. But I suspect some might. Or have. Maybe not about NT but something.
@whizzer
A whole blog post on NT, eh? Maybe. With the right inspiration. (No, that’s not an invitation.)
@laughing
The combination of fingers+eye contact+nipples is super potent. As a female, I want to complicate things. As a male, y’all like things simple. Venus. Mars. Country. Rock and roll. Peanut butter. Chocolate. ad infinitum.
Or maybe it’s just that having my nipples pinched does, at best, nothing for me.
@sherulz
Well, absolutely you need to find the right play partner! Didn’t you know I’m secretly a leather yenta? I’ve got a phenomenal track record when it comes to matching Dommes with subs. Though, of course, I understand if that’s a journey you want to undertake yourself. Good luck!
Miss Troy,
It appears that I misunderstood your first post a little. I had the impression that stillness was an emotionless and dormant state. Similar to being a street mannequin. I can see now form many of of the comments, yours included that it is far from that. As you say: ” “Stillness” is how an actor doesn’t need to flail about and throw things to convey “anger” when a flexed jaw muscle, a clenched hand, and a glint in the eye can be even more ferocious. ” This description of stillness brings a new viewpoint and shows that there is a lot of emotion within “stillness”.
Looks as if “X” was inspired to answer your question about nipples and I have to admit, our answers will be similar. I am a nipple slut as well, and also feel that My nipples, head and erogenous zones are all hardwired too. I have had the luxury of a few sessions that were very heavy on NT. It always began with direct eye contact and thumbs and forefingers clamped down tight. The combination of the visual and digital stimulation has always been like a drug to me and usually puts me into a very submissive state right away. It could never be the same when blinfolded. There has to be eye contact so we can take in each others reactions, specifically your projection of power and my projection of submission.
Hmm. You say you’re always looking for blog topics. Seems like nipple torment might just arouse quite a bit of interest. Just sayin’.
Whizzer
@Richard
Please forgive my delayed response. I’d gotten 2/3 through a reply to you and somehow lost it (#$&*% Mac!) and it took me a while to recover. Plus I was in a bleak mood the other day (not sure why) and didn’t think my bummedoutedness was helping my responses anyways.
So.
First and foremost, I’ve missed you. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully, insightfully, and illuminatingly.
Often with my bondage players, yourself included, I’ll talk about “constrictive” vs “restrictive” bondage. Some people love the compression and containment of bondage and the freedom it allows. Others love being made aware of the lack of freedom, as you’ve described here. But what you’re also reminding me of is how great bondage isn’t necessarily dozens of skeins of rope or multiple layers of encasement. Prison shackles. A basic hogtie. Those’ll do the trick just fine. Sometimes I embrace that basic principle of inescapability. Sometimes it slips right through my arms.
“Stillness” as I use it here really is more of a metaphor rather than a literal description. I use it to mean that there is TONS going on at any given moment, but what is conveyed/expressed highly selective and under complete control. When I say I seek stillness as a Top, I mean I want to find that place where nothing more needs to be done: the position is intense, the bondage inescapable, the elegance of my control undeniable. I don’t have to pinch a nipple, add another layer of rope, or tell you how helpless you are because it’s all already there. I can do those things. I probably will. But I recognize the power of what’s already in place. Does that make sense?
I loved your description of how you (or your play partner) explore the bondage on a different level when you’re/she’s being tormented. That was immensely useful in helping me to grasp what goes on in the bottom’s headspace while being stimulated. The idea of restraint being an amplifier of a scene, rather than the scene itself, isn’t a new concept to me, but I suppose I’ve never really articulated it in that way.
Honestly, all of what you wrote was just brilliant and explained a lot for me and gave me some great perspectives. I’m sorry this reply isn’t smarter, though.
Just a few comments on your comments:
“Given the way we play together, I crack up every time I read a post of yours that mentions some “favorite” activity that we’ve done so rarely, if ever, I didn’t even remember you liked it.”
Thats one of the things I love about playing with you. Its always a unique experience and I don’t worry or concern myself with what I want or enjoy. I just trust and know it will be good. I still like what I like but you have a way of creating a session experience that goes to another level. We have never had anything close to a bad or disappointing experience no matter what the specific activities were. The session just flows.
“I’d be curious to try to bind you in some sort of stress position that’s demanding and distracting enough to keep your mind busy just to see what happens.”
Hmmmmm……..Truthfully I know I wouldn’t like it and if anyone else did something like that I would possibly be angry and might not return depending on the context it was done in. However with you I would know you were doing it for a reason and would just let things unfold as they always do. Like I said I just am able to let things flow with you and not critique things or get internally upset as has happened in the past.
Miss Troy,
Sorry for the typos in my last post, I will have to remember to use spell check after having so many glasses of whiskey.
Great thread, great viewpoints, another classic blog moment.
MTO,
Not really after your shadchen skills, unless YOU’re in the pool. Be sure to give me a heads up on the DC trip [and then screw the luck]. Oh, and forget about the stillness, just go to town.. ha, ha. i mean you should have crazy fun [typed as scrambling under desk].
Stillness appeals to me. But there are few things that need to be present. It must be something the dom is really into and enjoys doing. The bondage needs to be restrictive and inescapable. Effective gag is a must. I prefer to be in the same room as the dom most of the time. In case of pain stuff being used, I need the dom to be in the same room.